I Can't Handle This!...

"then He said to the man, "stetch out your hand." So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other"

Matthew 12: 13

Has fear ever paralyzed you? Has it ever defined you? Have you ever been in a situation that you knew you had to do, but the fear kept you from truly reaching out? I am not sure i could ever count how many times that has occured in my life. I would say as much as people see me as leader, fear cripples me much of the time. there is really no telling what God really has for me if i would truly surrender that fear to Him.

Yesterday i was swinging Ian on the swingset in the back yard. He wanted to go high like the other two kids were. He was incessantly screaming "higher, higher"...but just about when his feet became level with the fence his excitement turned to fear. He suddenly began screaming, while laughing in trepidation... " I CAN'T HANDLE THIS...I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!" He was serious...and he was scared. but once he slowed down and we tried again...and again...he began to get stretched and before you know it...he was higher than a kite having the time of his life.

you see, it is in the stretching that our fear turns into faith.

What is it in your life God is trying to stretch you in, but you are resisting due to fear. Stretch your arms out to Him just a little more and watch that fear turn into faith!

My Hearts at Home...

A few years ago I found myself in the midst of a neighborhood with no one to truly connect with. There were no young mothers, no small kids, and very little support if any for a young mom with 4 kids all under the age of 2. i became desperate for companionship as i found myself more and more trapped in my house or yard with so many small children. Well suddenly about a year ago many houses began going up for sale around my house. so i started a journey full of selfish desperation...i told God that each time i looked at a house for sale i would pray that He was sending me someone to share this journey with. that was a big undertaking since 3 of these houses i could see at any time i so much as looked out my window! But after much fervent prayer, my prayers availeth much! not only has He given me support, but great friends. People I can count on, trust, lean on, and even ask for help. It is becoming the neighborhood of which i always dreamed. Last weekend we all went to Hearts at Home together. I was greatly anticipating my time with these women and eagerly inviting the Lord to reveal my shortcomings as a wife, mother and friend. i always go to this conference Knowing full well that God will reveal much to me. He has never disappointed me yet.

The story of Mary and Martha kept coming up in many (if not all) the sessions i chose to attend. it was obvious the Lord was trying to show me something here. then, saturday morning, as he always does, He revealed to me what it was. i have become so busy with my kids...so uninterruptable. there are always other things i could be doing and often seem more important. i have succombed to the "oh, you're fine" phrase with my children as i hurry them to scurry away while i attend to my important things.

The problem with that is that it is in the interruptions that life occurs. i had become uninterruptable. then God really hit me...he showed me that i was fully interruptable in my relationship with Him. i seem to have little problem scurrying off to a child that "needs" me when i am sitting at the feet of Jesus. There is always time later i hear my brain say to me. but i have it all backwards. I must be completely interruptable...for my Lord, for my kids, for my friends. It will take some work for this type A, list making, gotta get it done gal, but God is faithful to complete the good work in me that He has begun.

Are you interruptable for your family? For your God? Or has your agenda, your life, become more important than that which God has intrusted you?

Spring has Sprung...

Spring has finally sprung here and this morning the kids were ecstatic to get outside before even 8am! i love it when my kids are in picture taking moods so i made the most of it although it did not last long. If only I had had all 5 of them...it was great lighting and a great time of day for them...maybe next time.



such a little man...

this one looks like he just breathed a fresh sigh of relief and calmness...

What's Your Ripple?

The ripple your little pebble in life makes can reach far beyond your wildest dreams...

A few weeks ago I was discussing adoption with a friend on facebook via our facebook walls. Often when doing that I forget the world ( or at least all 400 + friends) can see it. But that tiny little discussion led to me being up past 2 am talking to other friends on facebook that saw that discourse between us and wanted to know more about adoption and foster care. Most of you know i am passionate about foster care and adoption as is my husband. But to step back and realized that my little world, with my little words can effect so many people was suddenly astounding to me all over again. We must be so careful as to what our words, our stances, our beliefs convey to others. God WILL hold us accountable. But just think what you can do with your little corner of the world just by being vocal about the passion God has set inside you. that night i reached so many that would and had never thought about foster care in that light. and who knows....my little pebble could make a ripple far beyond my wildest dreams...actually it already has! so, go make a splash and see where your ripples go!

Matthew 12:34 says ,"out of the heart the mouth speaks". what is your mouth speaking today? What or Whom do you need to fill it with so your mouth will help proclaim the longings of the Lord?

houseguests!!!

a few weeks ago my mother moved into the basement of our house. not only are my kids in heaven...but she is too. they just adore getting to run downstairs in the morning and crawl up in her chair to read or just snuggle with thier mamalane! it has been a great transition for all of us. the plan was for a year, but at this rate..she's so happy i am not sure she will ever leave!

Life as Planned???

kid's first day of school jan. 2010. they were so excited!

Sometimes life just goes as planned....then there is my life...! recently after much pain, strange symptoms and guessed at diagnosis like lumphoma and lupus, doctors finally figured out what was wrong with me: fibromyalgia. not the best diagnosis considering it is one with no cure, and no real treatment. but i am working through the process...denial, anger, a little bargaining...now attempting to settle in with it all in the midst of my real life. i am trying desperately to deal with it all as naturally as i can; doing as much preventative therpies as possible that my wallet will allow. and now i am about to delve into a slew of supplements and even acupuncture. so...i am praying help is on the way. but if the Lord keeps me at just this stage or i seem to worsen, i think i am ready to deal with that now. then again maybe tomorrow i will be right back at anger and sadness once again! apparently i have not learned a valuable lesson that God has been attempting to teach me for quite some time now. it all started with having 4 kids under 2. i needed help due to a shattered shoulder of my moms immediately after the babies were born, then my newborn's emergency surgery followed by my own emergency surgery one week later. not only did we need help, we needed 24 hour help in shifts. i was mortified to tell you the truth. i hate...did you get that...HATE asking for help. so after that whole mess was over in about 6 months, i thought, "ok God, i have learned my lesson...ask for help...give into my pride and just do it". then i had to go on bed rest for 3 months with our unexpected 5th child. can't really raise 4 toddlers and keep a house while laying on complete bed rest and 8 hospital stays with severe pain. so again...we had to get help. someone else (many someones) had to completely run and manage my children for 3 months straight. i was allowed the complete freedom to pee whenever i wanted though! so...once again..i thought "ok, ok God, i really have learned this time....i must put aside my pride and ask for help". then....Fibromyalgia happened. immediately i was back in the mode of doing it all on my own. i endured flu-like aching all over everyday with migraines, back pain, sleepless nights and the insanity of it all ensuing. then i had a day. a day that i cried all day. it hurt to put my coat on. it hurt to turn my steering wheel. it hurt just being awake. i had to ask for help, but i didn't. instead i failed miserably at my test from the Lord. but today was a whole new test. and so far i have passed. i called a friend (even one i barely know) and asked for her help. i cried doing so, but not only did God treat me graciously, He made it abundantly clear to her once i stated making excuses as to why i didn't think i needed her that much that she just needed to come over without my permission. i am praying that i get it this time. i mean really...who wants to be put in such a test again. i am not guranteed that this will halt the hurdles coming my way, but i am guaranteed my obedience will make them smaller to jump!

my first huge hurdle was that i knew with all my heart i had to place the kids in school until i got a handle on this illness. i am not sure how long that will be, but i know God has my kids in His hand. This is so not how i saw my children's schooling going, but it is just one more process in the test for me. God wants to me to completely surrender to Him even that which i so desperatly believe i right for my children. so, no longer am i homeschooling this year. and as i mourn the loss of my children's main influence in thier lives, the Lord reminds me to not live in fear.

Future Olympian...

Makenna was fascinated by the Olympics this year! i caught her outside one day attempting a "downhill ski". now mind you her skis were two rulers, her hill was a very small mound, and her poles were two baseball bats! hard though she tried...it did not turn out well for her!

She steadied her "skis"

and prepared for the "long ride down"

however, as she fell miserably and subsequently got very upset with me (not sure how i fit into the picture), i realized she does not yet fully understand the concept of attempting something even if it does turn into failure. This was supposed tobe fun activity for her. i mean, no one on tv fell! she wasn't supposed to either! but when she did, she really did not get what went wrong. it turned out to be a great lesson in perseverance and just plain ol' havin' fun!

A Father's Eyes...

There's something about the anticpation of a girl with her father. My daughters' were getting ready for the daddy daughter banquet and it was sheer anticipation of how daddy would say they looked. it was so beatuiful and healthy to see. below is the exact look on kenna's face as she waited in grand anticipation for her dad to open his eyes as she stood before him. The fact is...he loves her no matter how she looks and always finds her beautiful. sometimes i wish i could be that way with God. "just close your eyes God, i'm almost ready...ok..now you can open...how do i look?" But He always sees me, his daughter, and although i may be disappointing Him miserably at the time, He never fails to see me as beautful in His eyes. I see my children that way, if only i could see my God that way!

I love this picture because of Bella's intentionality on placing her hands on his shoulders and eagery awaiting her daddy's kiss. She loves him so!

Daddy and Kenna ready for thier date.






such a daddy's girl!